can be as futile as trying to escape your problems by getting drunk—it offers a temporary high but leaves you feeling empty once the euphoria fades.

One of the byproducts of this happiness obsession is the phenomenon known as FOMO, or fear of missing out. Social media has amplified this anxiety, making us feel like if we’re not at every event, capturing every moment, we’re somehow missing out on life’s great joys. We push ourselves to attend every party, every outing, and every “exciting” event, only to find that we’re more exhausted than fulfilled. The curated images of happiness—sprawled on a yacht in the Mediterranean or sipping cocktails at a rooftop bar—create unrealistic expectations. Instead of bringing us joy, these images often leave us feeling inadequate and dissatisfied.

But what if the secret to a fulfilling life isn’t in chasing happiness at all? What if the key is in embracing a more balanced approach—one that recognizes the value of negative emotions and the importance of facing life’s challenges head-on?

This is where the concept of “mental contrasting” comes into play (Kappes, Andreas, and Gabriele Oettingen. “The Emergence of Goal Pursuit: Mental Contrasting Connects Future and Reality). Unlike the simplistic advice to “think positive,” mental contrasting encourages us to combine our dreams with a realistic assessment of the obstacles in our way. It’s not about abandoning hope; it’s about grounding our goals in reality. By acknowledging the difficulties we’ll face, we can better prepare ourselves for the journey ahead. This approach reduces the likelihood of being blindsided by setbacks and gives us the tools to navigate challenges without losing sight of our ultimate goals.

Yale psychologist Jane Gruber’s research sheds light on the potential downsides of happiness. During her time at UC Berkeley, Gruber explored the negative impact of positive emotions during bouts of mania, which led her to question whether happiness might have downsides for everyone—not just those with mental health diagnoses. Her findings were surprising: “Happiness serves a specific function and may not always be adaptive,” she concluded.

Gruber’s research suggests that if we want to live rich, fulfilling lives, we might be better off letting go of the aggressive pursuit of happiness. Instead, we should focus on engaging in meaningful activities, especially those that promote deep connections with others. By nurturing a non-judgmental attitude towards our emotional states—whether we’re feeling joy, sadness, or something in between—we can create a more balanced and resilient approach to life.

In other words, happiness isn’t something to be chased or forced. It’s something that emerges naturally when we stop trying so hard to attain it. By embracing the full spectrum of human experience, including its challenges and disappointments, we open ourselves up to a deeper, more authentic sense of fulfillment. This is also where meditation helps. A simple and real practice of being you. When we meditate we welcome everything, all feelings and emotions just as they are, without making any attempt to fix them or change them. We accept ourselves in our complete fullness. So maybe it’s time to stop running after happiness and start living life with all its ups and downs, while practicing some meditation. You might just find that true happiness is found in the journey, not the destination.